My Mom is okay. Her surgery went well and she was discharged from the hospital today.
This has been a stressful week for my entire family.
Since I started this 365 days project my life has become an open book but this was really NOT a week to document with photography. I don't want to remember the image of my mother hooked up to machines and the sterile hospital environment. I didn't take any pictures. My camera remained in my bag all week.
The surgery took longer than they predicted. The worst part was sitting around for hours in the waiting room with my father and wringing my hands. Every time the doors swung open, I would sit up straight and watch a nurse approach another family with news about THEIR loved one. Sometimes good news, sometimes bad news...
Eventually she was moved to recovery and the surgeon came to talk to us.
At first my mother looked peaceful and relaxed. But within a few hours the spinal epidural administrating the morphine made her incredibly sick. She was getting dehydrated and she couldn't eat. They removed it the next day and then she was in excrutiating pain. The only medicine she could keep down was a mild painkiller that did very little to mask the pain.
It's horrible to feel so helpless in the face of my mom's suffering. I could only hold her hand and tell her to try to sleep, to relax and take deep breaths. The nurses were coming in and out. At one point there was a code red in the building and we were told to stay in our rooms with the doors closed. The alarms echoing through the hospital terrified me. Especially since I didn't know what a "Code red" actually WAS...
Trying to balance work and the hospital was hard. At work, I just worried about my mother but I couldn't get more than one day off. I just wanted to be with my mom, I saw her during my lunch breaks and during the evenings after work. (Until the nurses asked us to leave because visiting hours were over) I didn't get much sleep.
But now she's home and doing so much better. She's still weak, but she can move around slowly. She can't lift anything and needs help getting in and out of bed. The doctor said that in a few weeks she'll start feeling normal again. I'm putting together a care package for her and I'm going over there in an hour to check on her again.
I just wanted to update you on the situation. I'm so RELIEVED that this chapter is over and she's on the road to recovery.
Thank you everyone for your prayers and healing thoughts. It meant a lot and as you can see, it worked!
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I bite my fingernails when I'm nervous or uneasy. I've been doing a lot of nail biting today.
My Mother is going into the hospital tomorrow for Surgery.
I knew this day was coming for almost a year. Her health was declining. It's the main reason I moved back to New York
I wanted to be closer to my family. I wanted to be there for my mother before and after the surgery. It was supposed to a standard hysterectomy, but now she is having a host of additional surgery at the same time for more health complications that have emerged since her fibroid tumors. Lately she's been in so much pain. The doctor explained the complexity of this surgery and the risks. (Which terrified me) she'll need 8 weeks to heal and she wont be able to drive or walk around.
The last time I was in a hospital was 7 years ago when my close friend tried to commit suicide. I was the one that found him and brought him to the emergency room. It was a horrible, terrifying and traumatic experience.
Hospitals really make me nervous and uneasy. Something about the long white corridors, the sterile smell, the uniforms, the waiting rooms...I usually avoid going into them at all costs.
My Mom's surgery is scheduled for 11 A.M. Monday morning. I'll be going in with her and sitting by her side until the doctors take me out of the room. Then staying until the surgery is finished and she's taken out of recovery.
I'm scared. I don't know what I would do if anything happens to her.
It's time to face my fear of this day and be strong for my Mom. I know in my heart she'll be okay but I can't make this feeling go away.
I'll be in the hospital all day tomorrow, but I'll let you know how it went on Tuesday.
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Eric and I had a fight last night
We almost NEVER fight, I can't even remember the last time we did.....We were both so tired, stressed, drained and wiped out.
It's been less than a year since we moved to New York from Europe.
Now...
1. We both work in jobs outside of our chosen field. We have opposite work schedules and work in buildings that are 45 minutes away from eachother.
2. We live in a home that is HALF the size of our previous flat, Yet we pay DOUBLE the price for rent.
3. We wonder how we got into this mess and how we are going to get out.
As much as we try to look on the bright side and have that Sonny & Cher "I've got you babe" mentality. It sometimes overwhelms us both to see how much things have changed in our life in such a short time.
How do we get back? I know we'll find a way...
We made up, we cried, we hugged and we're okay. But this situation has to change. I just don't see a way out except working non-stop to afford our move and holding strong until we reach our goal.
At least it's Friday. this marks the end of week 3 at Innitech Corporation.
Day 160 of 365 days
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My workload has increased and now most days I'm forced to work overtime just to get everything done.
I realized the only way I could get through the day is popping a No-Doz pill in the early afternoon. Otherwise I'm almost falling asleep at my desk and passing out the minute I return home.
Now I have more energy, but It's a temporary solution..
I've been having nightmares where I pull work files out from under my bed. I panic because they need to get finished.
I wonder if I'm the only person that has nightmares about work. Is that even normal?
This job is really taking a toll on me.
Day 159 of 365 days
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I came home hungry and exhausted to discover that Eric had made dinner.
Not just dinner but a gourmet feast of homemade chicken salad with avocado, olives, peppers, tomatoes and spinach. I was amazed. It was delicious and so grateful.
His culinary skills far surpass mine. Maybe it's because he's European, I don't know how he managed to pull that together after a full day of work. It was such an beautiful dish, I used it for today's self-portrait. Look at the love he put into it. The little olives arranged around the plate edges...
I don't know what I would do without him....
Day 158 of 365 days
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Office Gossip..
It comes from all directions. First it's just overheard. Then someone beckons for you and whispers a fascinating shocking morsel directly into your ear... That's how it starts. Everyone seems to know everything about everyone else's business.
But I step away afterwards and I can't help but wonder: What are they whispering about ME behind MY back? It's a scary thought to contemplate.
Note to self: Don't spread office gossip no matter how comfortable you get at this job.
Day 157 of 365 days
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6 comments
It's Monday...and you know what that means
"In the same boat with a lot of your friends
Waiting for the day your ship will come in
And the tide's gonna turn
And it's all gonna roll your way
Working nine to five
What a way to make a living
Barely gettin' by
It's all taking and no giving
They just use your mind
And you never get the credit
It's enough to drive you
Crazy if you let it..."
I hate that song yet everytime I go to work, I find myself humming that awful 80's tune.
This picture was taken in the office, not the greatest shot but I was too busy to get anything better for the day. It will have to do.
I just realized something...
Every outfit I purchased for work has been only BLACK AND WHITE.
Maybe it's time to introduce some color to my "office wardrobe".
Day 156 of 365 days
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It's Sunday Afternoon. I'm about to head over to my Mother's house with flowers and a gift. I'll be spending the day with my family.
Happy Mother's Day to my Amazing Mom.
She's truly my bestfriend and I don't know what I would do without her.
And Happy Mother's Day to all the Mom's out there reading this. Enjoy your special day:)...
Day 155 of 365 days
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The first part of Saturday was filled with random errands. A chance to make up for all the things I can't accomplish during the week. Dry cleaners, food shopping, gift buying, oil change..etc Not so fun.
But in the afternoon when Eric returned from work, we went out to eat in a part of town we rarely drive into.
Eric also needed a haircut and we wandered into a little hole in the wall barbershop.
"A nice Italian Barber Shop"
The walls were covered with pictures of The SOPRANOS, the cast of GodFather and posters of "Good Fellas". There were vintage mafia articles, 1960's signs, dim lighting. There was one hairdresser, a lady with a great sense of humor and a thick italian New York accent. I watched her cut Eric's hair and avoided eyes with the overweight guy that looked like "Pussy" from the Sopranos in the backroom. He kept giving me suspicious glances and jumped everytime the front door opened.
I felt like I had entered a mafia movie. The atmosphere was awesome.
The blowdrying job she gave Eric after the cut made him look a bit like John Travolta from "Saturday Night Fever". he hummed the tune of "Stayin Alive" as he strolled out of the barber shop. but once he washed it...it fell into place. She did a great job.
We had a fun night eating coconut shrimp for dinner and lazying around in bed talking all night long.
I love Saturdays.I don't want the weekend to end....
Day 154 of 365 days
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7:00 leave for office.
8:00 A.M. arrive at office, unlock cabinets and log onto computer. Start working
9:00 A.M. Coffee break with twenty-somethings from other department. So glad I found some people my age in the building to hang with.
9:10 A.M. Pick up New York times from Downstairs cafe. I became friends with manager, he holds a copy for me behind the desk.
9:15 A.M. Back to work
1:00 P.M. Lunch break with Carrie Bradshaw.
1:30 P.M. Back to work
3:00 P.M. Second coffee break with twenty-somethings from other department
3:15 P.M. Back to work
5:00 P.M. Wrap up work, Put everything back into File Cabinets and lock them, Shred any remaining documents and log off computer. Head to car.
6:00 PM. arrive home.
I finally have a routine down. The job doesn't seem as overwhelming, foreign or scary anymore. At moments it can actually be amusing as long as it's not taken too seriously.. Twirling around in my office chair and chatting with co-workers that pass by to sit on the edge of my desk. That shot of my desk was taken at 8 A.M. Most people's desks are covered with posters, calenders, photographs and knicknacks. as you can see....Mine is still pretty bare. I'll get on that...eventually.
But that's my average work day at "Initech Corporation" in a nutshell. Week 2 is coming to an end and my very first paycheck just arrived in the mail. Too bad it will take an additional 5 days to actually clear at the bank.
Day 152 of 365 days
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I'm adjusting to my new job, the new hours, the long commute through traffic, and my new shoes. As you can see from my previous pictures + text, it took a week and a half of incessant whining to reach this point.
I realized the root of my problem.
I've worked only in the art field for the past 6 years. As a mural artist, than an illustrator in a multi-media company and then doing freelance artwork. I was defined by my job and I was doing what I loved. I was proud of the fact that Eric and I could support ourselves by being artists. We never wanted to "sell out". I was filled with ideals and didn't want to abandon our dreams.
I have to come to terms with the obvious fact that the job you work at doesn't define who you are. This new job is completely foreign to me and I'm out of my element. I'm trying to change who I am to fit the job instead of just seeing it for what it IS...
Simply a job.
A way to put some money in our savings account so we can move out of New York.
It's temporary and there's no reason I can't continue painting on the side. It'll take time for my body to get used to the new work hours and I'll have to push myself harder than before to stay motivated. But I can do it.
And I'm not the only one doing it. In fact most people are.
So it's time for me to get with the program
There's no reason I can't enjoy the ride to get where I want to be. Life is too short not to... It's all in how you look at things. Lately I've been too tired to see everything clearly and appreciate what I have.
Day 151 of 365 days
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"And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if your way should falter
Along the stony pass
It's just a moment
This time will pass"
Day 150 of 365 days
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It's Monday night and I just returned from another day of work at "Innitech Corporation". (I had to stay in the office an hour and a half longer than usual because of a meeting.) The beginning of WEEK 2.
Eric fell asleep on the sofa in his work clothes and I'm too exhausted to sit up straight in my chair while I type this. Good times.
I'm sure tomorrow will be better...just need sleep....must keep positive outlook...must.......*yawn*
A friend came to visit me at the office during my lunchbreak. She jumped back when she saw me and said I looked like "an entirely different person." I didn't know how to take that.
So here's a series of Before and After shots documenting the stylistic change from freelance artist to office worker.
Alright, time to drag my sleeping husband into the bedroom with me. He's out cold. If I can get the cats to carry his legs and I get the top part, I'm sure we can manage it.
Day 149 of 365 days
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It's a beautiful warm Spring day and it's Sunday.
I met up with Eric during his lunchbreak and then I visited my family.
Now it's 6 P.M and the sun is setting.
Tomorrow is work. I changed into my PJ's and climbed under the covers.
I'm hiding from Monday.
This weekend went by too fast. I wish I could freeze time and make Sunday last forever.....
In less than 11 and a half hours, another week at "Initech Corporation" begins...
To make matters worse, Michael is pissed off about my new work schedule and has been giving me dirty looks all day. I reach out to pet him and he walks away angrily. Ever since I started this new job he's been acting like this...He even vomited in my dress shoes. I know they are ugly, but come ON...
THAT'S his new permanent expression lately....
*buries head in pillow*
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My new work schedule makes it difficult to spend time with Eric.
We just discovered that we WONT have a single day off together again for at least 4 months.
Eric works from Saturday to Wednesday. I work from Monday to Friday. He can't change his schedule because he's a manager and he's required to oversee things on the weekends. I can't change my schedule either.
I loved our days off together, we would look forward to those two days each week with anticipation. It's hard to grasp that we wont have that anymore...
Now we barely see eachother at all. I've been so tired when I return from work, That I just collapse after dinner. (Which is usually some microwave T.V. dinner because we're both too drained to actually COOK anything) Then I stumble to bed and I'm asleep before my head even hits the pillow. This has been an awful week.
This morning I didn't want him to go to work.
"Stay...take the day off, Lets do something fun together", I whispered
"I wish I could, You have no idea how much I wish I could.. I can't", Eric told me "I have 3 meetings today and I don't even HAVE any days off available until next month"
He gave me a kiss and he was gone. I was alone. The weather is beautiful but all the activities I could think of doing don't seem as much fun without Eric. The house feels empty..
How am I going to survive 4 months of this???
Does anyone else have a schedule like this with their significant other and how do YOU deal with it? How do you make the time to be together when you both work 40 hour weeks on different schedules?
I miss how we used to work side by side in the same company in Germany. We were so happy. I used to look forward to work every morning and we walked holding hands to the studio. I thought about those days, now it's just becoming a distant memory....
This picture was taken early this morning before Eric shaved or changed out of his PJ's. That's my hand reaching out to touch the side of his face. I love feeling the roughness of his early morning stubble and how he looks when he first wakes up. I have to appreciate every moment I have with him now, they're going to be few and far between.
Day 147 of 365 days
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I'm home!!. I survived WEEK ONE at "Initech Corporation".
Finally I can kick off my high heels, peel off my stockings and take down my hair for 2 days straight.... and relax.
I have GOOD NEWS (for a change)
Today at 9 A.M., I was approached by some twenty-somethings from another department. They invited me to grab a cup of coffee with them in the breakroom.
They meet up every day, twice a day for two ten minute breaks.They said they'd swing by my department and pick me up from now on so I could join them.
There's hope after all. I found co-workers my age. They're casual, funny, and down-to-earth. I'm starting to understand all the new software, my job and walking with more confidence. It's not so bad after all.
But... on the downside...
This morning I woke up with HORRIBLE shooting back pain. I couldn't move. Eric brought me some painkillers and water. He helped me out of bed. He told me that it's probably because I'm not used to..
A. Wearing high-heels
B. Being hunched-over so tense in front of an office computer for 8 hours a day, 5 days straight. In my previous job, I did a lot more moving around and alternated between the computer, the artist easel, and light table. With this job, I'm CHAINED to the computer.
My entire back is one huge knot, I've been popping EXCEDRINE all day long.
It's Friday night but unfortunately right now all I want to do is SLEEP. I'm exhausted....as you can tell by this picture. I just plopped the camera on the foyer floor and snapped a photo of my painful high-heels before kicking them off for the weekend. I don't have the energy to be more creative.
Plus Eric is about to give me a much-needed back massage...:)
I hope you all have a great weekend! Your advice and caring comments really helped me get through this difficult first week at my new job. Thank you.
Day 145 of 365 days
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Today I met Carrie Bradshaw from Sex in the City.
Not literally, but a close version of her. She is my co-worker. A collector of shoes and bags. My first friend in the office. We sat together at lunch and she talked about handbags. Particularly COACH handbags and how I should buy one. After all... "every working girl needs a COACH handbag". I looked around with wide eyes and saw that a lot of co-workers owned these bags. Apparently It's the HIP thing.
She almost had me convinced..
Until I saw the price....
www.coach.com/content/product.aspx?product_no=9509&ca...
Yeah, uh, that's not happening.....
On my Third day, I am discovering that our office space is a lot like highschool with different cliques. There is the 30-something frat guys joking around in the afternoon, the forty-something women gathered together at the watercooler chatting about their kids, the maternity ward of pregnant co-workers talking about doctor's appointments. The uber-trendy women in their expensive business suits, long manicured nails and sporting their COACH and GUCCI bags.
I'm beginning to feel a bit like Bridget Jones here...But WITHOUT sexy Hugh Grant as my boss and the cool background music....
I'm exhausted. Time to fall asleep, then wake up and face another work
day...But at least it will be FRIDAY. Which marks the end of my first week in the office world. Just one more day to go...
THANK YOU to everyone that left encouraging and helpful advice in my comments section . It meant a lot and was really appreciated. I actually took notes. (I know, I'm a dork! But it really helped - this is all new to me!)
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I survived my first day at my new job. I came home so exhausted and utterly wasted though. I immediately kicked off my tight dress shoes and collapsed into bed. Within 2 minutes, I was OUT COLD.
Yesterday's schedule:
5:30 A.M. - woke up. tore apart closet to pulled together an outfit that made me look like a 1950's secretary. I could hear Sean Connery's greeting in my head when I gazed at my reflection: "Good morning Ms. Money Penny...." Obviously I don't know the first thing about a modern business woman's dress attire. (see previous picture)
7:10 A.M.: hit the road
8:00 A.M.: Arrived at the massive building. Peered up at the reflective glass windows in utter fear as I walked up to the revolving doors.
8:05 A.M.: Stood in the elevator with a bunch of men with business suits. Cleared throat. felt like character in strange movie.
8:10 A.M.: I was led through the department by my supervisor and introduced to my new co-workers. Everyone said I would want to escape for my life by the end of the day. VERY comforting to hear. Clutched new purse, smiled nervously, shook many many hands. Too many names, forgot ALL of them....
8:30 A.M.: told to shred 1,000 confidential documents while supervisor attends meeting. No explanation. Thinking about Nixon and Watergate. wondering what I got into....
9:00 - 1:00: Extensive training begins. Head starts to pound, taking notes and notes... too much to remember. feeling like girl in "Devil wears Prada"
1:00: Lunch break. I am warned by co-worker that the cafeteria is a "Poison Palace" and that I should always pack my own lunch. Wish I had known this earlier. Too late. Eat at "Poison Palace". Still alive to talk about it but pitiful amount served cost a whopping 10 dollars. Will be packing lunch from now on...
1:45 - 5:00: More extensive training. Head is now spinning. Fumble through 25 pages of scribbled notes and give reassuring smile. "Piece of cake", I say. I tapped forehead "It's all up here" Total lie.
5:05 P.M.: Pack up belongings, lock file cabinets, lock computer, stumble out of office building exhausted and overwhelmed.
6:00 P.M. : Arrived home and passed out
Most annoying thing about work day was the sound of my heels clicking while I walked. Clackity click clackity click. non-stop. Arrrrrrgggghhhhh...
Now it's 6:00 A.M and I have to get back into those uncomfortable shoes to face another long scary day at the company I will call: "Unitech Corporation"
Goal number 1# Make a friend.
I'm one of the youngest in the company. It's intimidating. Any advice? I don't know the first thing about "office ettiquette" I'm completely out of my element. This is a completely different world in comparison to the casual atmosphere of my previous job in Europe.
Day 144 of 365 days
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12 comments
It's 6:30 A.M and TODAY is the first day of my new job. (see previous pic for more details)
I'm a nervous wreck. I'm already on my second cup of coffee.
Yesterday I bought a few new tops, dress pants and skirts. I think this qualifies as "Business attire" but to be honest, I'm not even sure. I wont know for certain until I meet my new co-workers. I also bought a pair of plain black dress shoes and a brown Charter club purse.
I feel like I'm playing "Dress up". This ISN'T me....
Eric is awake too, He's cooking eggs. He gave me a kiss and called me his little "Business woman". He assured me that I would "knock them dead" today and that he had "absolute faith" in me.
I wish I felt as sure of myself.
I'm standing in front of my bedroom mirror trying to decide whether to wear the white button up top with the biege slacks or the black skirt... or maybe the black shirt with the black dress pants...or maybe...????
I hope I survive today. Maybe it will help to hum the theme song to "Mary Tyler Moore" I need to log off and finish getting ready.
wish me luck:)
I'll let you know how it goes.
Day 143 of 365 days
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8 comments
