Day 142 - A new chapter, originally uploaded by clarity25.

Right now I'm painting a portrait in oil color. This is a close up of a section that I'm working on.

I love painting and I love working as a free-lance artist... but I'm going to have to wash off my paintbrushes and put them away for a few months.

We need to get out of the financial hole we're in and start putting money in a savings account so that we can eventually move back to Europe. We are only BARELY getting by, so things are going to have to change.

I just got a new job and it starts on Tuesday.

I thought I would be starting next week, but I was just called in. I'm going to be entirely honest and confess that I'm INCREDIBLY NERVOUS about this job.

I'll be working for a large company. (I can't disclose the name so I'll just call it..."Unitech Corporation") I'll be sitting behind a desk and I'll need to wear "business attire"

I don't OWN a business suit. I don't even own a pair of dress shoes. If you've been following my 365 days project, you'll notice that I wear knee-high striped socks, torn jeans and a pair of adidas sneakers. I'm thinking of changing my platinum blond hair to a more natural hue. Unless I get my act together and dress the part... I will be sticking out like a sore thumb. I'm scared enough as it is. I'm going to be completely out of my element.

This is a major change for me and I'll be working full time, forty hours a week with a 45 minute commute.

So after I finish painting this eye, I'm heading out to the stores before they close to buy some new clothing.

The next 233 days are going to be a new (somewhat frightening) chapter for me but I know I can do this. At the end of this journey We'll hopefully have enough money to return to Europe. This is the first step.....

Day 142 of 365 days

P.S. Thank you everyone for your caring feedback on my previous entry. It meant a lot. As you can see my new laptop is now working, so I'll be returning to my daily photo updates. I missed you guys!

Still alive, originally uploaded by clarity25.

Sorry for being M.I.A. and then returning with the worst picture ever.

I don't have much time at the moment to produce a better photo (I'm writing this from a friend's computer) but I wanted to display a sign of life.

As you probably guessed. My laptop officially kicked the bucket and I couldn't afford a new one.

GOOD NEWS:... I just received a laptop from a friend which doesn't work either, BUT it only needs a small inexpensive part to get it running again. So hopefully I'll be back in action very soon.

I would love to say that my life has been grand lately, but unfortunately things have been really rough for me.

Family dramas, (I'm currently estranged from my father and we no longer talk) Fights, Financial troubles, I've been sick, and my mother's having a surgery soon. To be honest, I haven't even had the urge to document my life anymore because it's not a pretty picture to display to the world. It's become depressing. I know everyone has problems and I realize that opening up about it will make others feel less alone. It's just really hard sometimes. We were so much happier in Europe but now.... I just didn't imagine things would end up like this. Sometimes I truly regret my decision to move back to the United States.

I've cried so much in the past 4 weeks.

I feel like I should have sad violin music accompanying this text.

Anyhow, as sappy as this sounds... I've really missed you guys and Diaryland. Thank you for all your caring and concerned notes.It meant a lot to me. If you sent me an E-mail , please don't be upset if I can't write back right away. At the moment, it's difficult to access the internet at all and I have 235 messages in my INBOX. (50% of it SPAM I'm sure). I haven't even checked MYSPACE yet.

I'll be back online soon though with my new working laptop. *fingers crossed* I look forward to catching up on all the blogs I've missed. I haven't touched my camera in a long time, I've really been in a funk

But I just wanted you to know that I'm okay.

Sincerely,
Clarity