Today was the landlord interview.

It didn't work out. We DON'T have the apartment.


Everything was going fine. Credit check. Clear. she approved of the bank statements, the tax documents, the references..etc. It was looking good for us. We were so close to signing the lease. But then...

We were thrown a curve ball at the interview that put us out of the running for our dream flat.

Landlord: "So before we go further, it's important that you are fully aware that... NO PETS are allowed. You don't have any pets, right?"

crap. She didn't mention that on craigslist.

At this point we had two options, lie or tell the truth.. lie or tell the truth...We wanted this apartment SO BADLY...

So We picked a middle road...

Us: "well.... (uncomfortable pause)... we are cat lovers. We are hoping to adopt two cats. Is that not going to be a possibility?"

Landlord: "NO CATS!!.. NO PETS!!.. NO EXCEPTIONS TO THIS RULE"

Us: "What about a $600 pet deposit? Cats are quiet and clean animals. They cause little to no damage"

Landlord: "NO CATS.. I don't want cats in this apartment under any circumstances. That is my final word on the matter. If you intend to bring animals in this apartment, then we really can not go any further with this. That's my policy. Sorry. NO CATS"

Obviously we're NOT going to get rid of Michael and Fiona. If we sign that lease and secretly bring our pets into the apartment after moving in.. it's grounds for an eviction. Sure we could live in perpetual fear and hide the cats every time she drops by for a visit. But is it worth it? lying? sneaking? the constant fear of the landlord?

No.

Not even for the apartment of our dreams.


So we shook hands and sadly left.

Back to Square One.. AGAIN.

We are really disappointed and upset. But we will find a place.. someday. There must be a Large two bedroom apartment in San Francisco that will allow 4 people and two cats. That is somewhat affordable.

I can't give up hope.

Day 54 of 365 days

 
posted by Clarity: 365 days at 11:39 AM | 4 comments

Day 53 - slow down, originally uploaded by clarity25.

When I was 10 years old, I wanted to be 13. I thought I would have more freedom as a teenager.

When I was 13, I wanted to be 16 because I would be officially allowed to date. (My parents were incredibly strict)

When I was 16, I wanted to be 18 so I could go out to dance clubs with my friends.

When I was 18, I wanted to be 21 so that I could get into bars.

I left for college on my 18th birthday, within 4 months I was dating a 26 year old senior. He had to drop me off at my dorm room before he went out drinking with his friends because I couldn't get in. I was too young and I didn't have a fake id. I always felt like I was missing out.

All of my friends in college were older than me. Celine, John and Eric included.

When I was 21, I wanted to be 25. I thought by THEN I would have life figured out. I'd have that ideal job and own a home. I'd feel like a "proper adult"

But that didn't happen when I turned 25.

Now I would love to freeze time. I feel like it's all moving too fast, like I'm moving through my twenties at warp speed and I can't live up to my previous expectations. It's funny how that happens. You spend your youth wanting to get older and then your older years wanting to be younger again.

I wish I could go back and tell my younger self to just "chill out" that I wasn't missing out on anything. It's not a race to the finish line. It's about the journey not the destination.

random Question: Do your closest friends tend to be older or younger than you?

Day 53 of 365 days

P.S. Tomorrow is our interview the landlord. *fingers crossed* If this goes well.. we'll be moving into the apartment of our dreams on December 1st.

It doesn't have a view of golden gate bridge or access to the roof top. I will miss peering down at the view of San Francisco, listening to the sounds of the city and feeling the wind in my face..

 
posted by Clarity: 365 days at 11:39 AM | 4 comments

Day 52 - Thank you!, originally uploaded by clarity25.

Today I looked back at the pictures I've taken since I signed up for Flickr. I couldn't believe how many there were..

I joined Flickr in August 2006 because I heard about it from my friends. I've always loved taking pictures and my camera is like an extension of my body. I carry it with me everywhere.

In October, 2006.. I posted my first 365 days entry ( HERE )

That was over one year ago. I had just moved back to New York with My husband, Eric after living in Germany for four years. It was a real struggle living as a married couple at home again in my twenties but It was something I needed to do. My family was going through a really hard time and I wanted to be there to help them

Over the course of one year, so much has changed in my life and it was all documented here. I met a community of other photographers and bloggers from different locations over the world that really became a support network and true friends to me.

You were there to cheer me on when we moved out and got our own place in New York. ( HERE ), when we bought our car, Marty ( HERE ). You encouraged me when I was nervous about my new job ( HERE ). You came along during my first trip to Las Vegas ( HERE ) and offered road trip advice when we decided to quit our jobs and drive across the country from New York to San Francisco ( HERE ) and you even came along for the ride from motel to motel across the United States. ( HERE )

There were troubles along the way. My mother's surgery ( HERE ), My brother's problems ( HERE ) and when "Marty" broke down ( HERE ) financial struggles, fears and doubts. Ups and downs of life...The good times and the bad.. you really helped me get through it.

In the past year and a half, I've moved from Germany to New York, from New York to San Francisco. It's been a crazy transitional time of my life. Even though I missed a month or so when my computer broke down and I started over at Day 1 again once I moved to San Francisco... I have 270 days of my life recorded here in total.

I just wanted to take a moment to THANK YOU for being there as friends. For your support, encouragement and advice over the past year. It meant a lot.

Going through all of your photostreams and blogs , seeing glimpses of your lives and the stories you share motivated me to keep going. I feel like I know a lot of you even though we never met in person.


I don't know where I'll be when this 365 days project comes to an end, but hopefully we'll have a new apartment, jobs we truly love and MAYBE we'll even be building a nursery for our first child. (me.. a mother? imagine that...)

Who knows what the future brings? I just have to take it day by day and enjoy the journey.

It's all a part of life.

Thanks for coming along for the ride with me so far

Day 52 of 365 days

P.S. So...The landlord finally called us! She wants 2 months of paystubs, tax statements, letters of recommendation and a full extensive interview on Sunday.

Then she will give us the final verdict on whether or not we get the apartment.

You would think we were trying to adopt her first born child. This is crazy...

I hope we make it past the final elimination round and she hands us the keys. *fingers crossed*. ah.. so nervewracking.....

 
posted by Clarity: 365 days at 11:38 AM | 0 comments

Yesterday John, Celine, Eric and I went apartment hunting again...

We found a dream apartment! One that all four of us agree on and it's affordable too! (It's the SAME PRICE RENT as John's current apartment but DOUBLE the size) Another RARE find in San Francisco. (click back HERE for picture and story)

Applications were filled, questions answered and she is running the credit report. She said she would call us today and now we're just waiting..

and hoping..

Our current apartment way too small for four people. There's very little space, Eric and I have converted the Observatory/office into a bedroom.. it's a beautiful room with windows on all sides but the doors that separate it from the livingroom are chinese doors with see-thru glass panes. (which means no real privacy) We can barely walk around without bumping into eachother. All four of us are practically on eachother's laps.

we need breathing space..

I really hopes this goes through.

I *really* hope we get this apartment.

Fingers crossed..

waiting...

This is nervewracking...


Just wanted to share the newest development. I'll keep you posted.

Day 50 of 365 days

 
posted by Clarity: 365 days at 11:41 AM | 0 comments

Day 49 - Abre Los Ojos, originally uploaded by clarity25.

Life is strange with unexpected twists and turns in the road. Sometime you're confronted with situations that test your strength. You feel helpless, scared and yet the belief that there's a light at the end of the tunnel keeps you going day by day.

How far would you go to help a friend in need?







When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste...

Could it be worse?

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go

But if you never try you'll never know...

...Just what you're worth

And I will try..
to fix you


Day 49 of 365 days

 
posted by Clarity: 365 days at 4:29 PM | 4 comments

It's hard to switch from traditional drawing on paper to sketching on a blank tablet with an electronic pen and having it appear on the computer screen.

It can be frustrating.

But I'm gradually getting the hang of it.
This is just a character design I was sketching freehand with Corel Painter today. .

Whenever I start drawing, I just get lost in the strokes and everything around me disappears. it's the ultimate escape.

 
posted by Clarity: 365 days at 4:28 PM | 4 comments

Day 47 - Walking on Eggshells, originally uploaded by clarity25.

No words today. Just a picture.

 
posted by Clarity: 365 days at 4:28 PM | 1 comments

Day 46 - On the edge, originally uploaded by clarity25.

Well, things are slowly getting better.

My ear is entirely healed and only the faintest of scars remains. (see Day 41 ). Fiona and Michael are chilling out.

John's health is gradually improving.. he's on the road to recovery.

We still haven't found an apartment, but at the moment it's not so important. That's on the backburner.

The weather has been cold and foggy this week. I haven't seen the Golden Gate Bridge in days. It's been cloaked in a layer of thick fog moving slowly over the horizon. Every day been dark, overcast and gloomy.

But I guess this is just marking the inevitable arrival of winter in San Francisco. With all the sunshine I've experienced since my arrival here, I shouldn't really complain.

When things get too overwhelming and stressful, I like to go up to the rooftop and sit down with my feet dangling over the ledge. The cool wind blowing in my face while I listen to the fog horns from the bay. It relaxes me and I feel so alive.

It's been a while since my last update, It's been a difficult week but I took a picture every day regardless and I just posted them all now. you can click back to view them.

 
posted by Clarity: 365 days at 6:30 PM | 4 comments

Day 45 - Only in San Francisco, originally uploaded by clarity25.

This was in the classified section of the newspaper today

it made me laugh.

"Cannabis College??"

Only in San Francisco....

 
posted by Clarity: 365 days at 6:30 PM | 1 comments

Day 44 - reaching out.., originally uploaded by clarity25.

There's so much going on right now. I can't write about it and I wouldn't even know where to begin if I tried.

But we're on the right path, Sometimes it feels like we take two steps forward and then two steps back... but every day things get a little better.

This situation is bringing me to parts of San Francisco I never thought I would see, parts I never wanted to see...

There's more to this city than happy hippies and Golden Gate Park.

There's a darker side that a lot of inhabitants get sucked into and they don't write about this in the tourist guidebooks.

But this chapter is coming to an end soon.

I never thought someone I cared so much for would have to struggle through something like this, but it could happen to anyone.


Someone you love right now could be going through it too.



day 44 of 365 days

 
posted by Clarity: 365 days at 6:29 PM | 0 comments

Day 43 - Holding hands, originally uploaded by clarity25.

Eric reassured me that things will get better, everything will be okay.

We sat together on the rooftop, holding hands and gazing off into the distance. I don't know what I would do without Eric in my life.

He's so strong, compassionate and patient. He doesn't just hold me together, but he holds the entire household together.

We're all going to stick together and help John get through this.

The four of us are like a family. Situations like this just remind us of how much we all mean to eachother.

I know I can get through anything as long as Eric is holding my hand.

 
posted by Clarity: 365 days at 6:29 PM | 0 comments

Day 42 - Can't sleep, originally uploaded by clarity25.

It's 2 A.M.

I'm tossing and turning. I can't sleep.

Too worried.

It's all so overwhelming. I want him to be okay. I don't know how to help.

It's all kind of surreal

All I can do is read websites offering help on situations like this, countless websites at 2 A.M. while drinking tap water and biting my fingernails.

Day 42 of 365 days

 
posted by Clarity: 365 days at 6:29 PM | 1 comments

This morning I woke up to the feeling of the bed shaking and then something falling on the side of my head...

HARD

I sat up with a start, there was a sharp pain on my ear... I saw our cat, Fiona ( see here ) leap off the bed and dart out of the room with a crazed high pitched meow.

My first thought was.. "Earthquake?"

Eric had been startled awake too, he sat up and gazed around the room.

I put my hand over my ear and winced. It hurt so badly... I felt a sticky warmth on my fingers and I gazed down at them. They were covered with blood.

I looked at Eric and his eyes were opened wide in shock "Honey,.. there's blood all over your ear What's going on??!"

What a horrific way to wake up. I thought I was going to pass out.

I clambered off the bed and ran to the bathroom. I pulled a bunch of toilet paper off the roll and pressed it against my ear. Blood dripped in the sink. I gazed at my reflection and saw three deep cuts on my ear. One on the upper lobe, 2 on the sides.

It took me a moment to register what had happened...

Something spooked Fiona. She must have jumped onto the bed, then the bookshelf over the bed and then lept down on my head, her claws digging into my ear to gain footing and then she sprinted out the room in fear.

WEIRD.

Eric cleaned the cuts on my ear and put anti-septic on it. The bleeding stopped and the swelling went down. It will probably scar, but it's just my ear. Who *really* looks at people's ears anyway? The cuts aren't deep enough to require stitches and life goes on...

But this incident doesn't come as much of a surprise, things in general have been crazy lately. I think fiona is responding to the tension. There are troubles going on that I can't write about on public photo updates that are open to everyone. Troubles that are much more serious and pressing than finding an apartment.

It might help to write about it here, but It wouldn't be wise.

Things will get better soon. I know it.


Day 41 of 365 days

 
posted by Clarity: 365 days at 3:13 PM | 2 comments

Day 40 - Contemplating..., originally uploaded by clarity25.

So.. this morning we returned the keys to the landlord of our great find and reluctantly walked away.

I guess It wasn't meant to be.


I can't look back.

****

The earthquake was over 2 days ago but every time the cat jumps on the edge of the bed or the neighbors downstairs move around their furniture.. my heartbeat still quickens and I freeze.

Feeling the earth shift and shake beneath us caused a slight change in me. So small it's difficult to even explain, but it was like a slight wake up call. A call to change.

A reminder that life is fleeting and this moment is all we really have. Living in San Francisco means you know in the back of your mind that "The big one" could strike at any time. It's what everyone jokes about in conversations but it's always accompanied with a nervous laugh.

There are things worth fighting for, there are things you have to let go of.

Somethings in life are important, some really aren't. What part of town we live in and whether or not our apartment has bay windows is really not what matters in life.

We're four artists, with unique visions of the dream flat. Yesterday three of us agreed, one of us didn't.

Tonight John, Eric and Celine returned from yet another OPEN HOUSE. This one in Pacific Heights.

This time John loved the flat, even though it was 400$ over the price we were aiming at.

But Celine and Eric didn't love it as much because of the small size and the high price.

I watched them in the heated discussion over whether or not to live there. I was relieved that I had not seen it because I could stay out of the drama.

I wont be going with them anymore to future apartment viewings..

From now on, I have no preferences. Whatever they pick is fine. It's not that I've given up, it's just that It's not so important to me anymore.

No attachments, No expectations = no disappointment.

I will be happy where ever we end up living here in San Francisco and whatever it looks like.


Day 40 of 365 days

 
posted by Clarity: 365 days at 2:25 PM | 5 comments

Day 39 - Back to square one, originally uploaded by clarity25.

Ignore the previous picture and the excited title description.

It's not happening.

John DIDN'T like the apartment.

He didn't get a feeling from the place and said we could do better.

There are four of us that will be living and paying for the apartment. If we don't ALL love it, then we have to move on. we're friends and we're sticking together.

so...We are back to square one.


I tried to mask my disappointment, smile and say "Okay, guys..lets get back to the apartment hunting!" but I don't feel it. I fell in love with the place and I was ecstatic at such a great find.

But Hey...life goes on

Tomorrow we will reluctantly hand back the keys and continue our search.

It's October 31st so obviously We wont have an apartment lease signed by November 1st, so it looks like we wont be giving our 30 day in advance departure date to our current landlord. So now I guess we're looking for an apartment for Jan. 1st.

Living in a confined space for such a long time can give you a touch of cabin fever, which is what I'm experiencing at the moment. I'm a bit disheartened, but the feeling will pass. C'est la vie. I feel kind of silly for getting as excited as I just did. It was premature.

I'm grateful to be here in this city with my friends.. I need to keep things in the right perspective. We all got a little too happy about it and a little too soon.

it's times like this that I need to remember my new years resolution to "let go"

It's Halloween.

The famous San francisco Halloween party in Castro is closed this year. I'm not much in the partying mood at the moment. maybe it's the apartment situation, maybe it's the uneasy feeling that still lingers after yesterday's earthquake.. This will be the first halloween that I'm staying at home.

But HAPPY HALLOWEEN regardless.

P.S. This text will be replaced by actual photograph eventually.

 
posted by Clarity: 365 days at 2:10 PM | 2 comments
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