I bite my fingernails when I'm nervous or uneasy. I've been doing a lot of nail biting today.
My Mother is going into the hospital tomorrow for Surgery.
I knew this day was coming for almost a year. Her health was declining. It's the main reason I moved back to New York
I wanted to be closer to my family. I wanted to be there for my mother before and after the surgery. It was supposed to a standard hysterectomy, but now she is having a host of additional surgery at the same time for more health complications that have emerged since her fibroid tumors. Lately she's been in so much pain. The doctor explained the complexity of this surgery and the risks. (Which terrified me) she'll need 8 weeks to heal and she wont be able to drive or walk around.
The last time I was in a hospital was 7 years ago when my close friend tried to commit suicide. I was the one that found him and brought him to the emergency room. It was a horrible, terrifying and traumatic experience.
Hospitals really make me nervous and uneasy. Something about the long white corridors, the sterile smell, the uniforms, the waiting rooms...I usually avoid going into them at all costs.
My Mom's surgery is scheduled for 11 A.M. Monday morning. I'll be going in with her and sitting by her side until the doctors take me out of the room. Then staying until the surgery is finished and she's taken out of recovery.
I'm scared. I don't know what I would do if anything happens to her.
It's time to face my fear of this day and be strong for my Mom. I know in my heart she'll be okay but I can't make this feeling go away.
I'll be in the hospital all day tomorrow, but I'll let you know how it went on Tuesday.
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At Monday, May 21, 2007, 
Kathleen
I'm a little late, but still saying prayers. I hope everything works out well.
Hopefully the surgery will make your mom feel a lot better. Thinking of you, and sending happy thoughts your way.
PS - I have nightmares about work, too.
Sorry I'm a little behind, but I just caught up with all of your entries. First, I hope everything has gone well, you and your mom are in my thoughts. Second, I know all of this is really taking a toll on you, and you're not really where you would like to be in your life right now, but the fact that you are able to be there for your mother and the rest of your family right now is a huge deal. Just think how you would feel today if you were thousands of miles away instead of sitting in the hospital with her. You made the best decision you could for yourself and everyone involved, so don't worry. Things will be okay in the end.
My thoughts and prayers are with you guys and your Mom. I hope everything went well today! Hang in there, it will get better!! *hugs* Jen
At Tuesday, May 22, 2007, Nightmare
You know I don't do much praying, but I have having some seriously groovy thoughts for your Mom. I'm sending out the major GOOD vibe!! I'm also pretty serious about that Dubai gig...you need to email me!!
