So.. this morning we returned the keys to the landlord of our great find and reluctantly walked away.
I guess It wasn't meant to be.
I can't look back.
****
The earthquake was over 2 days ago but every time the cat jumps on the edge of the bed or the neighbors downstairs move around their furniture.. my heartbeat still quickens and I freeze.
Feeling the earth shift and shake beneath us caused a slight change in me. So small it's difficult to even explain, but it was like a slight wake up call. A call to change.
A reminder that life is fleeting and this moment is all we really have. Living in San Francisco means you know in the back of your mind that "The big one" could strike at any time. It's what everyone jokes about in conversations but it's always accompanied with a nervous laugh.
There are things worth fighting for, there are things you have to let go of.
Somethings in life are important, some really aren't. What part of town we live in and whether or not our apartment has bay windows is really not what matters in life.
We're four artists, with unique visions of the dream flat. Yesterday three of us agreed, one of us didn't.
Tonight John, Eric and Celine returned from yet another OPEN HOUSE. This one in Pacific Heights.
This time John loved the flat, even though it was 400$ over the price we were aiming at.
But Celine and Eric didn't love it as much because of the small size and the high price.
I watched them in the heated discussion over whether or not to live there. I was relieved that I had not seen it because I could stay out of the drama.
I wont be going with them anymore to future apartment viewings..
From now on, I have no preferences. Whatever they pick is fine. It's not that I've given up, it's just that It's not so important to me anymore.
No attachments, No expectations = no disappointment.
I will be happy where ever we end up living here in San Francisco and whatever it looks like.
Day 40 of 365 days
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At Saturday, November 03, 2007, 
It's probably a good thing to stay out of the apartment hunt for a bit, trust Eric's judgement on whats nice. I know exactly what you mean though, when we were house hunting is a lot of that, a lot of imagining how you would decorate it and then finding out it's not yours after the bids come in. I try not to think about it but if we had included the area we finally bought in when we started searching we would have been in a bigger nicer house that didn't need so much work.
Hang in there. Look on the bright side Coronas are only a dollar!
I'm sorry about not getting the cool apartment you looked at a few days ago. It will all work out and it looks like you have the right attitude about the whole thing. Tomorrow I'll arrive in SF (Financial District) for a business conference and I'll be there till Thursday afternoon. I know you don't like meeting people from the internet, but if you change your mind and want to meet up, you know how to find me. Have a great Sunday!
I's so sorry John didn't like the apartment, he must have very hgih (possibly unrealistic) standards, it sounded perfect to me! I'm sure something fabulous will come along soon but I think you're right to stay out of the flat hunting, that way no one can turn round and blame you for where you end up, Eric knows you and knows what you like anyway, I'm sure, and wouldn't agree to somewhere he knew you'd hate. Good luck with the hunting!!
At Monday, November 05, 2007, 
Kathleen
I don't see why there was any argument about the Pacific Heights apt. when two out of three didn't like it and John was able to nix an apt. 3 of 4 liked. I think it's smart, as well, to stay out of it.
For the record, I don't think PH is worth the extra money.
At Tuesday, November 06, 2007,
I'm here in SF and it's awesome! I wish I had more free time to check it all out, but I have your 365 days of pics to show me the sites I'm missing. Hope all is well with the two of you.
