Have you ever had to write a letter that was important and necessary... but you couldn't get past the greeting?
I've been sitting here for 45 minutes staring down at this blank page with only the words...
"Dear Dad"
I can't talk to him right now. I'm bad at this. I get all choked up and emotional. My voice gets higher than I want it to and I get cornered easily. I back down and then everything I meant to say just dissolves away. I end up feeling worse and powerless. I cry too easily.
I'm better with words.
But I can't get the words to start flowing. I'm at a standstill and struggling. How do I write this letter? How do I express how I feel without sounding angry? How can I convince him to give Eric a chance? I can't get into the details. It's too long of a story.
There's been a lot of family struggles this week, in addition to the usual internet/computer problems. My laptop only works for 15 minutes at a time now before shutting down and it's incredibly slow. It took forever to just post this.
But I'm trying not to let technical difficulties or life struggles interfere with this daily photographic project, even though lately it's been hard to stay motivated. I also updated with photos from the last few days. You can click back to see them.
Now I have a letter I need to write.
Day 141 of 365 days
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Oh hun.
Just write what your feeling, whatever it may be(anger/sadness/resent) I know it's hard to ever feel like adults around our parents but sometimes lines have to be drawn and words have to be said.
Keeping you in my thoughts.
(omg I typo'd "throats" there!)
Say hi to Eric...
At Thursday, March 08, 2007, 
The Queen
I really do not know the history, at all, between you and your dad, and why he dislikes Eric...but from an objective point of view, it seems like it doesn't matter if it's Eric or any other man who is your husband, it seems like he is just upset that SOMEONE took his oldest daughter away - the daughter that your family is trying to cling to in order to solve all of their non-solvable (is that even a word, I ask myself, as an English major) problems. And I think a lot of it is his unhappiness with you for choosing this person over him and your family. But Eric IS your family now and your primary responsibility. Even if it's just that he dislikes Eric for some reason, he has got to come to terms with that. I'm sorry you are going through this, Clarity. I heart you, and I am sending you good luck vibes. xoxo - me
At Sunday, March 11, 2007, Laura
I agree with The Queen. I'm so sorry, Clarity. You and Eric have something so few people are ever able to experience in life. It's too bad that your dad cannot get past his own feelings and just be happy for you, accept Eric. It's funny how our parents really do want the best for us, but they have their own idea of what is "best". I thought things were changing when he helped with the move. I hope the letter helps you! Positive thoughts your way.
I'm the same with saying what I need to (think it's a LEO thing!). I also prefer to write my feelings down...good luck with the letter dear---hope everything works out for you...
~smooches~
P.S Miss you lots over at dairyland!
Hi Clarity, I don't know what has gone between Eric and your dad or why your dad is choosing not to accept him but really it is his loss. From what you write Eric is a fantastic person and perfect for you, eventually your dad is bound to realise this. He is maybe just having difficulty accepting that his little girl is all grown up and that he is no longer the man that you turn to when things go wrong or maybe he resents the fact that you went to Germany to live with Eric instead of staying with the family, The Queen is right, you do seem to be expected to sort everyone's life out and perhaps your dad doesn't like the fact that you chose to go with Eric instead of staying and sorting out more of other people's problems. Whatever the reason don't lose sight of the fact that Eric is the perfect man for you and the pair of you are meant to be together. That's what matters. Good luck with the letter, I hope it helps the situation. thinking of you, love Vicola x
At Monday, March 12, 2007, Tamossa
Letters are good for saying what you want, and they can't interrupt you. You don't have to hear their side of things right away.
They are also good for writing things down that bother you and getting if off your head and shoulders, even if you don't plan to give it to them. Good luck with that letter. Sorta been there with my Dad and an old ex boyfriend. Now I don't talk to either of them. Well, that may work for me, I hope you and your Hubby hold on tight!
Tams
I think you should be honest, and positive. Yesterday my father called me wanted to know if I thought he had been a good father - out of the blue, really threw me, he *never* has asked me a question like that, he wanted my objective opinion. My first gut reaction? I wanted to scream out all my frustrations I've had over the past 32 years. But I refrained, got an idea of his level of vulnerability (he's aging, 67 yrs, looking back on his life, all he's done wrong, it's making him depressed), and took the reins as a respectful daughter, who loves her father, telling him to focus more on the positive, give his brain a break on all the negativity, and face the fact that his psychological load is too much for him to handle at this point in his life (i.e. my mom's dementia, my older sister's marriage problems, etc.), and turn to those who truly love him - his family. It was such a surreal conversation. -Acorn
You're in my thoughts beautiful girl...I hope all has gone OK. I'm sorry things have to be like that for you.
You are strong...
Keep your chin up :o)
K.C
At Wednesday, March 21, 2007, Kathleen
Just want you to know that I think about you every day. Sending many hugs and much love, as always.
Hey clarity, I hope things are getting better and you talked with your dad. We're all rooting for you guys :)
Well, I really hope it all goes well. Some things in life are really hard but necessary... Still, they are horrible to endure. Can't do much at the moment but to send you tons of positive vibes and much, much love. Big cinnamon hugs to you and Eric!
I hope you're okay. I keep checking back, hoping that you have updated to say everything is going good. I miss you and hope you are all right. ♥
Hi Clarity,
You haven't posted in almost a month ... I hope you're doing well. You're in my thoughts and I pray that everything works out for you andd your family.
Clarity - I really, really, really hope you're OK. I hope it's just your computer on the fritz...-Acorn
